So The Real Problem Was Me
So this behavior of being ignored by The Boss, and working with a psycho continued on for years. What i noticed immediately about the Psycho was that there was never a time that i gave her work back that was ever good enough. This just continued on and on, week after week, month after month, and years after years. Don’t get me wrong, I tried several times to talk to The Boss to ask him to move me to someone else so I can learn a new perspective on how to do things from someone new. He told me that the Psycho was my Best Teacher. That was debatable for like 5 seconds but shortly after I knew it wasn’t even a debate. She was not my best teacher. She was horrible and she was just out to point out all my mistakes. We were never friendly, I could never relate to her way of living. I thought she was weird. A loner who was completely socially awkward. That’s where I one upped her. I am completely socially comfortable. In social occasions in the early days, she would gravitate to me, but I wasn’t having it. You make me feel inferior every day, 5 days a week, and now you need my help to help you fit in at this social gathering? No, I wasn’t having it.
And so, now I started another cat and mouse game with another Team member. I now see my part in the dysfunction very clearly. I should have never played the same game, but I stooped to a lower level and ignored and mistreated them just as much as they mistreated me. But who came first, the chicken or the egg?
I spent years complaining to my friends about how I am mistreated by both The Psycho and The Boss. I gave them so much space in my head that if we was renting out that space I could have easily made over $1 million dollars for all the hours and days they occupied my thinking and brain space. What a waste of time and energy that I could have been using in a more positive way?
I am here to tell you that I take full responsibility for the way the last 25 years have panned out. I’m fully responsible for the fact that I never advanced. The first is not wanting to sacrifice any more of my time to Corporate America and I also didn’t want to suck up to either of the 2 people who held
My destiny in their hands. I had to suck up to these two people who pushed all my emotional buttons. I just couldn’t get past my pride and do that. It cost me dearly, but at least I can say that I stood up for what I believed to be the best way to handle both of these people. I felt like I had created boundaries that they couldn’t break through because they were personal boundaries and not business related. I am strictly business with the Psycho and The Boss. I’m respectful, politically correct with them, but the tension is so intense when I’m around one or both of them. I feel the negative energy, and the added energy you have to add to your encounter with them because it’s a lot of work trying to act against how you truly feel. It’s so draining not to be able to be your authentic self because you have to have your Corporate America Exterior always on.
For me, the entire establishment was sucking the life out of me. I knew it from the very early 90’s that the job was stifling my potential, and I knew there was so much more out there for me, but yet the thought of leaving the security of my job to go chase after a dream job which I was not even sure I knew what that looked like, was just out of the question. I had to sell my soul to the devil more or less because I was afraid to take a risk and follow a passion. I do believe that part of why I never did that is because I never really hit on my passion, but I did know very early on that the job was really not making a difference for my life. It did not light me up, fuel any type of passion, and it certainly didn’t get me out of bed in the morning because I wanted to, it was only because I had to. I was trapped. I had to give up any chances of finding my passion for the safety of my boring mundane life sucking corporate position. That was the price I paid for a bi-weekly paycheck that barely stretched to the next one. What a major life sacrifice.
And so, now I started another cat and mouse game with another Team member. I now see my part in the dysfunction very clearly. I should have never played the same game, but I stooped to a lower level and ignored and mistreated them just as much as they mistreated me. But who came first, the chicken or the egg?
I spent years complaining to my friends about how I am mistreated by both The Psycho and The Boss. I gave them so much space in my head that if we was renting out that space I could have easily made over $1 million dollars for all the hours and days they occupied my thinking and brain space. What a waste of time and energy that I could have been using in a more positive way?
I am here to tell you that I take full responsibility for the way the last 25 years have panned out. I’m fully responsible for the fact that I never advanced. The first is not wanting to sacrifice any more of my time to Corporate America and I also didn’t want to suck up to either of the 2 people who held
My destiny in their hands. I had to suck up to these two people who pushed all my emotional buttons. I just couldn’t get past my pride and do that. It cost me dearly, but at least I can say that I stood up for what I believed to be the best way to handle both of these people. I felt like I had created boundaries that they couldn’t break through because they were personal boundaries and not business related. I am strictly business with the Psycho and The Boss. I’m respectful, politically correct with them, but the tension is so intense when I’m around one or both of them. I feel the negative energy, and the added energy you have to add to your encounter with them because it’s a lot of work trying to act against how you truly feel. It’s so draining not to be able to be your authentic self because you have to have your Corporate America Exterior always on.
For me, the entire establishment was sucking the life out of me. I knew it from the very early 90’s that the job was stifling my potential, and I knew there was so much more out there for me, but yet the thought of leaving the security of my job to go chase after a dream job which I was not even sure I knew what that looked like, was just out of the question. I had to sell my soul to the devil more or less because I was afraid to take a risk and follow a passion. I do believe that part of why I never did that is because I never really hit on my passion, but I did know very early on that the job was really not making a difference for my life. It did not light me up, fuel any type of passion, and it certainly didn’t get me out of bed in the morning because I wanted to, it was only because I had to. I was trapped. I had to give up any chances of finding my passion for the safety of my boring mundane life sucking corporate position. That was the price I paid for a bi-weekly paycheck that barely stretched to the next one. What a major life sacrifice.
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